Exercise 8 – Mindful Communication

It can seem sometimes in our modern world that communication is about stress. Twitter erupts into wars between diametrically opposed forces. TV news blares about crisis and chaos. Even family members and friends who once got along can fall behind hard-drawn lines.

Mindfulness is the answer.

Human beings are designed to be social creatures. Study after study finds that having a supportive, nurturing group of “cheerleaders” can make a difference in stress levels, blood pressure levels, better sleep, energy, and so much more.

How do you use this knowledge in your day to day life?

Build a Buffer of Positive Moments

The more stable we are in a positive, calm emotion, the better able we are to handle the moments which rock the boat. Find a mindful routine which bolsters your initial calm state. Touch base regularly with the people who matter to you and who bring you compassionate energy. It can just be a text message or quick post. It can be that you check their social media to enjoy photos. If you can work in Skype or in-person sessions to involve more senses, that’s great.

Be mindfully present for those moments. Release distractions of what came before or what might come in the future. Simply be there with them, in the moment. This one moment before us is all we have. It’s precious. Savor it. Treasure it.

Be Mindful in Challenging Moments

We’re always going to encounter situations with others which are challenging. We are each on our own path and those paths sometimes have cross purposes. If we care deeply about an outcome, it can be rough to communicate well with someone with a different aim.

Take a long, deep breath.

Most people want to feel as if their view is heard and understood. See if you can do that. That might defuse the starting negative energy. Aim to present your goals in a way that is clear without being condescending. Your aim, truly, should be to get communication working, for your own good.

Think about the situation from an objective third-person view. Release the fear-flight-amygdala from the equation. Imagine your cheerleaders are there with you to help brainstorm. Is there a path that mostly suits your goals but also acknowledges theirs? Is there an ‘out of the box’ solution which could help?

Sometimes the mere act of you trying to meet them part-way is enough to defuse tensions further.

The more you can separate out the emotions from the process, and come at a challenge from a point of calm energy, the better you’ll be able to see the full wealth of options. The more you’ll be able to navigate a minefield and come upon the ideal solution which, while perhaps not perfect, is the best solution given the circumstances.